Bussiness as usual
by aTotallyUnoriginalUserName
Summary: The Lagoon Gang find them-selves taking jobs by a certain Trevor Phillips in Los Antos. Just a whole big bucket of fun. Rated M for obvious reasons.


Trevor got out of bed hearing the sound of his phone.

"Fucking shit, who the fuck is it at this time of day." He thought not too silently. He got out of bed and rummaged though his half destroyed bedroom in order to find his cell phone. Finally he found it underneath his cupboard a long with whatever that brown thing was.

He quickly pressed the answer button.

"Hello Trevor Phillips Industries, you are talking to the man himself" He said in a professional voice. Well as professional as he could at this early hour.

"_Hello there, Boss…" _Came from the other line and it didn't take long for Trevor to recognize the person speaking.

"Ron, I hope you have a good explanation as to why you have awakened me this early, because if you don't…" Trevor sat on his bed "I'll cut your vocal chords and shove them up your ass so you can speak from it."

"_Don't worry Boss it's very important…" _Ron said shaken from Trevor's statement.

"Let's hear it then." Trevor said as he run a though his face in an attempt to wake up.

"_Right, do you remember that deal we made with the Russian mafia?"_ Trevor put a hand on his chin as he thought "Oh yeah the deal with that lovely lady." He said recollected how that meeting went.

"_Exactly, well apparently the bikers somehow found out about the deal and stole the shipment from Chef." _Ron said nervously.

Few things compared to a pissed off Trevor Phillips, but that moment he was ready to explode and take the whole of Sandy Shores with him.

"_Uh, Boss you there?" _There was a small silence before Trevor said his next word as the air grew denser by the second.

"Ron, you are coming here and we are gonna go to the air-field, pick up the delivery boys from there with the truck and go to their base…" Trevor took deep breath before saying anything "You got that Ron."

Ron was at the verge of crying for his life "_Su-sure thing Bo-Boss…"_

"Good now get your ass over here and quickly!" Trevor pressed the end call button.

"Shit, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK." He screamed in animalistic rage as he rampaged though his house and out the door. He leaned against his car door waiting for Ron to appear.

"If he's late there'll be hell to pay, god damnit" He thought out loud.

* * *

Meanwhile in a plane just a few miles off shore.

"We're picking up a signal from the ground, should we answer it?" The pilot said.

"Sure why not…" Dutch said from right behind the seated pilot.

"_Hello Lagoon company there…?" _A clearly panicked voice came from the other line.

"Yeah, and who are you?" Dutch said

_"Oh thank fuck you answered. Listen the meth and gun shipment has been unfortunately stolen from us…"_ Ron started but was cut off by the deep voice of Dutch.

"That doesn't answer the question of who you are." Ron didn't like where this was going.

_"Look all you need to know is that I'm an employee of your client."_

Dutch looked confused as heck right, but he got the general gist of it all.

"All right Mister Employee I'll inform the rest of the crew." Dutch said as he hang up.

"I'm gonna go at the back if you don't mind." He said as he walked through the door.

"Alrighty boys and Revy, we have a few complications with the shipment it seems." He said as he took a seat in the super luxurious airplane, courtesy of Balalaika. "As we have been informed it has been stolen from our client."

Rock looked at Benny "Shouldn't he have taken better care of it."

Benny returned the look "I see what you mean." He said with suspicion "I mean this is no small job. We are getting paid 100 grand a head."

Revy was sitting at the right side of the craft opposite of Rock and Benny. Well 'sitting' is a very loose term, 'sprayed on top' would be a lot more accurate.

"Who cares as long as we get to shoot stuff…" She said in between fiddling with her Cutlass "…I mean I would hate to have been paid 100 grand for doing nothing."

"That's true but I'm not sure that the guy who hired us…" Dutch said leaned against the back of his chair.

"Why is he some kind of amateur?" Revy said reloading her pistol.

"Hardly…" Dutch said taking a chug from recently lit smoke.

"The guy is more than capable of taking a private militia all on his own, do one of the biggest bang heists of all time and get involved with the FBI all at once and still come out on top with more than 20 million dollars in his bank account…" Dutch said as he took another cancer filled breath. "Now why would a guy like, that in his 40s, still be in this business?"

"He sounds like a real pro." Rock said as he lit his own cigarette. "It is quite suspicious though, Dutch is right, with this much money he should be set for life." He run a hand though his hair.

Revy looked at Rock "Maybe he just does it for the heck of it."

Everyone looked at Revy. "What the fuck are you all staring at?"

"Excuse me, but would you please take your seats and put your seatbelts on, we are preparing to land at the air field."

"Just fucking great" Revy proclaimed as she struggled with her seatbelt.

Rock noticed it "Hey do you want any help…?"

"Rock do I look like I need help?" She said as she desperately tried to get out of the situation.

"You sure because-" But he was cut off by Revy "I said I'm fine!" She said as she finally tied the two offending ends into a knot.

Rock looked away "Geez… Bitch"

"What was that Rock" She said fuming with rage

"Uh, nothing…" He retorted almost out of instinct.

* * *

"Shit, shit, shit, shit, SHIT" Trevor proclaimed as he ignored every safe driving law in the world.

"Calm down Boss…" Ron said as he held his hat in place "We want to get there fast, but we also want to get there alive."

"Ron do I look like I give a fuck how we get there?!" He grabbed Ron by the collar and started shouting at his face. "I'm not gonna get fucked by anyone this time, ya hear me not anybody will stop me from getting those shipments."

"I hope that those fuckers from Baboon Company, or some stupid shit like that, are at least competent in a gunfight."

"Oh trust me boss they are the best in the whole of Roanapur." Ron claimed as he lifted his glasses from the floor of the truck.

"You better hope they are because if not, the bikers aren't going to be the only one's under the ground." Trevor said in an ominous tone. Ron swalloed a lump that haa been stuck in his throat.

* * *

"Landing right now…" The pilot looked at his screen to find a figure standing to the right of the runway "What the hell is-" The world would never know the rest of his sentence though because he was shot down before he could complete it.

Dutch burst inside the room discovering the dead pilot.

"Oh, fuck…" The plane landed with a loud crash onto the ground without it's landing gear deployed it was remarkable it hadn't blown up.

The passengers had a good shake inside of the aircraft that finally stopped only five meters off the runway.

Seeing this Trevor pressed on the breaks so hard that Ron could swear that his foot would come out the other side.

He kicked open the door the same time as Revy kicked out the door of the craft. They both directed their weapons to the rapidly growing numbers of the Lost and Damned.

"Who the fuck are these clowns" Revy said in between shooting her opponents and taking cover.

Trevor pulled out his shotgun and started wasting bikers one by one.

"We got you now Trevor…" One of the bikers said.

Trevor finally snapped "How about you go fuck yourself and take every single one of your little fuck buddies with you!" He said getting out of the cover of some crates and taking a few well aimed shots at them.

"And who the fuck is that cowboy…" Revy said with excitement in her voice.

Dutch got out of cover and run towards Trevor's direction. "Mr. Phillips right…?" Dutch asked while taking cover in same crate as him. "Yours truly" Trevor said while blind-firing in the direction of the bikers. "You've got quite the gunman in your team." He said motioning towards Revy

"Yeah thanks for the compliment, now would you like to tell what you want us for?" Revy said while coming to a screeching halt at the crates.

"Now's not the time dear, we have to kill these fuckers first." He said directing his thumb towards the bikers. Revy smiled her usual smile and reloaded her dual pistols. "Leave it to me Boss…" Trevor did the same with his shotgun "Sorry, love but I can't let you have all the fun" Revy looked at him "Don't call me love, asshole" before running out of cover. Trevor shrugged his shoulders and did the same.

"Dutch, provide covering fire" She yelled as she run into the battle field with a mad glee on her face. She walked though a wall of bullets like it was nothing and started firing, emptying her cutlass' rounds in the process, but with three bullets hitting their targets dead center that was unimportant to her at the moment she laid her eyes on her new victims.

"Damn gotta reload…" She said as she back flipped into cover yet again, but this time Trevor took her place. The man run with a considerable speed towards his targets, he whipped one man with the butt of his shotgun and while he was staggering to find his footsteps he placed the barrel of the gun right onto his chest and pulled the trigger. As the man exploded into blood the stray bullets found their target as well hitting another one of the bikers just short of his eye.

Trevor was almost completely drenched in blood but that didn't stop him as he attacked the other bikers. He fired a shot at one of them which found its target dead center.

"Watch out, sniper!" Revy said as she shot one of the bikers who had climbed on top of the hangar right next to the runway. "Thanks…" Revy lit a smoke. "No problem. Just don't die because you still have to pay us after this."

Trevor looked around in case there any more flies left to swat.

"Looks like the ground is clear." Revy said while her Cutlasses.

"You sure about that…?" Ron said from the behind the wreckage of the plain.

"Ron you cowardly little shit you want me to come there and skin you?!"

Ron swiftly hid behind the destroyed craft once again. "Come on Boss you know I'm not good with that sort of stuff."

Dutch came out of the make shift cover and greeted Trevor "Mr. Phillips I'm afraid that if want us to see this though to the end you'll have to raise the payment a little bit."

Trevor started with his uaual attitude but as soon as he heard the words that came out of Dutch's mouth he quickly dropped it. "Listen to me," He started as he got closer to him "I won't blow smoke up your ass. It's 100 grand a head and I won't break your fucking skull open." He grabbed Dutch by the neck and lifted him up "You got that…?"

Revy lifted one of her pistols up to Trevor's head. "You leave him." She started lighting a smoke she held in between her lips "Unless you want a third ear hole."

Trevor considered it for a moment and smiled. "Alright have it your way" He said as he left Dutch fall to the ground. Dutch struggled for breath as his backside kissed the floor. Revy still had her Cutlass aimed at the side of Trevor's head her eyes were like those of a wild predator waiting for an opportunity to strike.

"But there aren't going to be any changes." He said as he contemplated his situation. "Well then I am sorry to say but we are leaving." Dutch said as he got to his feet. "C'mon Revy let's go."

"Um, Dutch I don't know if you noticed", Rock said as he finally came out of the air craft. "But the plane's busted and the pilot's, well let's just say he won't be flying anytime soon."

"Well, what a surprise…" Trevor said, as everyone's attention turned towards him.

"If I didn't know any better I'd say you were stuck here." He said in between laughs. "It's not like you will find any pilot who is willing to transport any of you homicidal maniacs." He lit one of his own cigarettes with one hand and held his shotgun tightly with the other. "Luckily for you I happen to be a very experienced pilot, not to mention I have my own plane." He grinned though his teeth "Not to mention that I, being the saint that I am, will provide you with the money that were already been promised."

Dutch looked at Rock with a face that read 'You deal with this' Rock immediately understood and spoke up "Well doesn't seem like we have much of a choice. However how can we trust you?" Trevor continued to grin "You can't. You just have to take a shot in the dark."

"This is stupid I say we kill him." Revy said as she once again lifted her gun. But she was cut off by Dutch. "Rock's right Revy we don't have a choice we'll just have to play along, for now." Revy put her pistol back in it's holster. "Alright fine but if this turns out to be a trick I'll blast his brains sky high."

Trevor put out his cigarette with his foot. "Now, if you're ready…?" Dutch looked around. "Wait a minute where is Benny?" Rock emerged from the aircraft caring a tear jerked Benny. "No, not my beautiful electronics, I can still save them." Rock sighed "You can't just give them CPR Benny." A giant bulb appeared over Benny's head. "That's a great idea!" Rock was losing his patience "For fuck sake's leave it alone." Benny was violently shoved down the aircraft.

"Alrighty now that you are all ready…" He said as he motioned to his car. "Can we move along?"

Dutch sat in front seat of the truck while Rock still carrying Benny sat at the open back with Revy.

"Hold on…" He said as started the engine "This is gonna be bumpy ride" Trevor slammed his foot at the pedal making the truck begin moving forward, making Rock and Benny almost fall off the back.

"These fucking bikers are gonna pay for this!" Trevor said not even caring for the fact that his car was getting blood stains all over by his blood soaked attire. He sped along the road not caring for any traffic laws.

Finally they were there in about 20 minutes of reckless driving.

"That was something" Revy said as she struggled to get her footing after the wild ride, while Rock could barely stand up for more than 5 seconds.

Trevor took out his shotgun once again and pointed towards the biker hideout. "Your fuckers are dead, I'm gonna use your dead bodies to make meth, you fucking hear me!" As usual Trevor was being the calm mother fucker that he was.

"Shit it's that maniac, Trevor" Sounded from inside the open field of caravans. "Doesn't matter pack the cargo and we're getting out of here"

Trevor heard that though "Get in the truck again" He said as raced to the door.

He started the engine again and waited for the others to come in. Right as he pressed the pedal the bikers showed up escorting a truck.

"You're not getting away" He said as he increased his speed. "You know what to do, Revy." Dutch said as he took his pistol out. "Fucking A I do." Two-Hands took out her cutlasses and started firing.

They both fired in their general direction with Rock cowering away in a corner joined by Benny saying something like "Think happy thoughts!" over and over again.

One of the bikers was smart enough to shoot back at them, he was promptly gifted a bullet to face by Revy. "This is no fun. None of them are fighting back they just try get away." Just as she said that Dutch shot somebody's wheel making him fall behind the group and into the car's windscreen. "Fuck off!" Proclaimed Trevor as he punched him though the glass.

"This is boring." Revy said as she reloaded her pistols. "Hey someone wanna put some music." She said as she continued the shoot out. Trevor shrugged. "Why not?" In the calamity he tried desperately to find the button to open the radio. "Ah there we go."

"_This W-O-M-B the Womb, and if you my pets…"_

"Boring, change the channel!" Revy said as she shot down another biker. There was a few seconds of static before the channel changed.

"MY WAR…!" Came from the loud speakers as Rock jumped slightly.

"Fucking perfect." Revy smiled.

"Alrighty, I know a good spot to take out the driver." Trevor as he picked up the pace. The truck came up to two turns the one leading to a normal road and the other to a jump.

"Get ready, to shoot the fucker!" Trevor said as he sped up for the jump.

Time seemed to slow down for Revy as she took aim towards to turning vehicle. "Bye, bye." She whispered as she took her shot. Time returned to normal as the driver got exploded into blood staining the inside of the truck. Trevor's own truck came to a halt. "Fuck yes, that was awesome!" He said as he run to the giant vehicle and took the dead driver out "You won't be needing this, will you?" He took a seat inside of the truck and grabbed the wheel, his wet with blood clothes sticking to the seat. "I'll see you in the airfield in 2 hours, so be there…" He ridded the windscreen of any blood stains with his hand. "I don't want to search the whole of Sandy Shores to find you."

* * *

"All aboard the Phillips international airlines!" He said as he looked to find his passengers uncomfortably sitting with a large shipment of meth and guns. "Now,+ now please stay calm we don't want to damage the cargo. Revy frowned. "Can I shoot him now?" Dutch mirrored her expression "Maybe when we reach Roanapur."

"Nooo, my beautiful electronics" Benny said as he grabbed a computer screen into his hands. "Shut the fuck up Benny." Everyone proclaimed in unison.

"Alright ladies, next stop Roanapur."

**A/N: **This was written in celebration of two things: One GTA 5 is on PC! Two I finally finished watching Black Lagoon. Yeah those are some pretty important news if I do say so myself. This was originally going to be a one-shot but I liked it well enough to give it at least a second chapter. Also updates may have a little bit of a bigger waiting time, for reasons completely unrelated to the release of GTA 5 (I'm joking, obviously).


End file.
